“If He Kills Someone, You Can Say I Told You So”–How Protective Parents Are Belittled in Family Court

A letter to the attorney general

As the executive director of a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that advocates and rigorously fights for the rights and protection of children, I write to command attention to the public health crisis created by the multiple government agencies responsible for providing services to families and children.

These agencies ignore critical issues and significant behaviors, or respond to them with platitudes, bias, and ignorance.

Anecdotal accounts as well as massive numbers of professional articles discuss situations of abuse of process in the juvenile, dependency, and family courts. Because so many of these files are sealed, the crimes committed by judges who have transferred children into the hands of abusers have been lost.

However, cases handled by the FCVFC that involve judges who transferred children into the hands of those we now know abused those children, those cases will be subject to scrutiny and investigation.

One certain family

In a certain family in Wisconsin, the mother is a responsible tax professional.

The father, on the other hand, has a documented history as a philanderer, having squandered marital funds though fraud and various forms of account manipulation in the course of having affairs with multiple women at the same time. The father even sometimes took his young twin sons with him as he spent extravagant weekend getaways with paramours.

The home life was described as being controlled by the “walking on eggshells” emotional space dictated by the quixotic mood of the controlling father, with violence both implied and threatened, punctuated by eruptions of throwing and breaking objects.

His control has been described as autocratic, leaving no room for dissent. His wife was convinced that whatever she attempted to state, she would be ignored or declared in the wrong. In her estimation, his degrading and humiliating words clearly indicated that she meant nothing to him and had no value, much less control.

Following the inevitable separation, the issues that had raged during the marriage only escalated, engulfing the lives of the twin teenage sons, who became pawns to extract financial and material favor by the socially pathological parent.

The twin sons now personify the dysfunctional dynamics of the broken marriage through their alternating passivity, internalized rage, and explosive, uncontrolled violence. By turns they are homicidal, suicidal, and suicidal with homicidal ideation.

One son has a rage disorder. He smashes property in the house and is spontaneously violent with his brother, placing him in chokeholds in which his twin cannot breathe. This young man has threatened his mother and has placed her in a chokehold, causing her to cry for help from her other son.

The other son is suicidal and homicidal, entertaining fantasies of killing himself with the truck his father gave him, taking others with him as he crashes the truck.

What happened to them in the court system

The family entered the court system on grounds of separation, divorce, and custody litigation. On first review, the expectation of equal treatment, shared parenting, and division of marital assets should have given way to the clear and convincing evidence that one parent is a well-socialized, responsible, law-abiding citizen and the other is a raging, lawless, immoral psychopath.

Somehow in the course of events this realization never penetrated the blood-brain barrier of common sense. In the course of divorce and custody proceedings, the court never acknowledged readily discernible evidence of depraved indifference to a basic code of conduct when dealing with children.

In the judicial custody directive, the court displayed utter and flagrant disrespect for the integrity and stable parenting of the boys’ mother.

The mother sought appropriate psychological intervention and critical lifestyle support for the boys, with the recommendation of placement in a military academy. This academy would separate and manage the boys, while allowing for a scholarship to pay for tuition.

But the Department of Children and Families interfered, halting the fulfilment of what would have been a potentially life-saving intervention. They ignored the homicidal actions and the suicidal ideations, refusing to acknowledge these as signs of severe abuse. They saw no need for intervention.

Instead, they assisted in placing the boys with their father. To this the court added an order for the mother to pay $150 per week of child support to the father, whose financial destructiveness and irresponsibility is fully documented (see the attached document).

In light of the boys’ acute pathology and state of mind, these judicial custody directives display for all the world to see the full idiocy of the judicial and DCF services.

The fallout of the court experience

The protective parent, the mother, has described her experience with the court and attendant government agencies as tantamount to dealing with her abusive ex-husband. They ignored her. They took advantage of her in every possible way. They abused her children and made decisions that placed them in the worst possible circumstances.

The directives of the court and government agencies like DCF not only made recommendations contrary to the best interests of the boys, but are directing and controlling actions that are leading to their further deterioration, as both boys continue to fail in school. One twin seethes internally, becoming more depressed and articulating suicidal and homicidal thoughts. The other continues to become more violent and out of control.

This protective parent has battled tirelessly with the courts and the usual useless, destructive factotum. Her attorney recently told her that if her homicidal son ended up in jail for assault or murder—after his issues had been completely ignored—her solace would be that she could then say, “I told you so.”

Other examples of government agency corruption and mismanagement

Another example of such counterintuitive nonsensical directive by a family court has to do with children whose major role model was a father, a police officer who abused his wife. The officer was generously characterized as a misogynist, an irrationally controlling philanderer, who, as a matter of record was removed from the police force for allegedly having sex with an employee of a local gas station while on duty, he ignored his calls. He was given the option of retiring or being fired.

 

In another case, the assigned DCF case worker called the subject child, who had been cutting herself. During the interview, as the girl had been referred for emergency intervention, the worker stated “you are a lying cutter.” Exactly how the worker put together and hurled this insult to a child whose keloid scars bore testament of the suffering she endured, I cannot begin to fathom.

The little girl’s pleas to be removed from her abusive father were countered with threats by case workers and therapists that if she complained she and her sister would be separated, sent to separate foster homes in separate states, and they would never see each other or their beloved mother, grandparents, or extended family again.

The threats were put in place to guard the fake psychological evaluation that eviscerated the female members of the family to preserve the fraudulent psychological report.

The psychological evaluator in this case is widely known for his Father’s Rights podcast, teaching fathers how to advance themselves in family court so that they can present as a capable caring dad. This widely-promoted Father’s Rights model has created a uniform code throughout the U.S. for helping physical and sexual abusers get access to children.

This psychologist is known for showing intense animus and bias toward women, as is well established though critiques of his work on multiple other cases in Connecticut courts.

An adverse record that upheld flawed, dangerously incorrect conclusions and directives ended up empowering a father who allegedly severely physically, sexually and emotionally abused his children, uninterruptedly for years, until they could no longer stand the abuse.

But right in line with the Richard Gardner fables, court actors trotted out the accusations of “alienation” and “coaching” and used them against the protective parent. No matter that extensive evidence of the abuse was presented.

As of 2021 family court actors across the country need no further evidence of false allegations of abuse than that the allegations have been made.

How the family courts operate

The new generation of judges, court actors and mental health professionals too often act like accomplices to pedophile criminals, the enablers of the accurately accused criminals they declare to be acceptable custodians of the most vulnerable of our populations.

The world of the family courts supports not just child abuse but child torture and full lifelong destruction of children.

Practitioners consciously and maliciously defend parents with crimes to hide and perversions to be acted out behind closed doors on children. Then the courts sentence these children to isolation with their abusers, while the practitioners congratulate themselves by escalating their fees and presenting each other with “Best in Class” awards.

So-called therapists have become Torquemada inquisitors, punishers of children who continue to file complaints. They insist that traumatized children should “breathe” and just suppress the memories of assault or the crimes they witnessed against their siblings or parent. They insinuate that the abuser parent should receive sympathy and concern because that parent’s feelings have been hurt. (See “The Monsters Among Us” on the FCVFC website.)

Depraved behaviors and children’s pleas for help are ignored. Significant self-destructive behaviors that include cutting and self-mutilation are often ridiculed by cruel, indifferent DCF case workers, present to count bodies and make sure that mindless, bureaucratic rules are enforced. These case workers show concern that the parent’s house is clean and neat with food in the refrigerator and no dishes in the sink, but they fail to notice that the baby in the crib is dead or dying.

In some cases children are isolated to hide crimes. In some cases it is to promote the devastation of the complaining partner. But in either case, Protective Parents are stripped of marital assets, reputations, and careers, saddling them with disproportionate or totally inappropriate child support.

The courts and all associated with them have moved to a dimension of autocratic, anti-compassionate attention to the tenets of psychological assessment and treatment.

Child victims can become adult predators. Criminals in court under the guise of judges, attorneys, guardians ad litem, court-appointed psychological evaluators, and other court factotum are transforming social space into dangerous territory where predators roam freely.

But perhaps they don’t care, as long as their pockets are well lined. After all, first things first.

 

I am writing to plead with you to take notice of the corruption of this system and to take action to bring about lasting change.

Sincerely,

Jill Jones Soderman

 

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