From a letter to the authorities in a particular court case:
I am by training and extensive experience a child psychoanalyst and psychotherapist and family therapist as well as a mediator and forensic consultant and expert in the areas of high conflict custody litigation and child physical, sexual and emotional abuse.
The FCVFC engages a team of legal and psychiatric experts to evaluate, diagnose, and intervene on behalf of Protective Parents and vulnerable children who are being harmed by a parent and or the court system as well as attendant agencies and school systems that are failing to meet the needs of a child in grave danger and at great risk.
The case in question is currently before the court. Per our assessment of the case, we have profound concerns that the subject child has been exposed to a highly physically and emotionally toxic parenting situation by a parent whose pathology involves forcing the child’s rejection of his male identity. While this child is in the custody of the mother who presses him into dressing as a girl.
We have evidence that leads us to believe that the mother abuses the child as a boy and refrains from abuse of him when he complies with her wishes to dress as she wills. The experts currently reviewing extensive material on this child must present the thesis that this boy, when in the presence of his mother, must adapt and accommodate to avoid physical abuse and withering verbal humiliation.
This young boy continues the charade he is pressed into, knowing the physical abuse he will face if he articulates the circumstances of his life. So he carries on the charade at school where his mother is in communication with teachers, and others who are trying to cope with his dysfunctional, disruptive behavior are pressed into “cooperating” with behavior that is actually counter to who this child is and the sexual orientation with which he actually identifies.
This child is preserving his life by sacrificing his dignity, self-respect, and ability to learn and thrive. Those around him who do not understand what this child is going through are unwittingly participating in the extreme cruelty visited upon him by his custodial parent.
We are aware of at least two homicide attempts made by this mother against the child . At least one attempt that might well have been successful was not successful because the leash the mother placed around his neck broke instead of choking the child to death. The deep gashes clearly etched into his skin bear witness to the seriousness of this young child’s injury and the aggression directed against him.
From a clinical perspective, the dynamic between the parent and child is toxic, compelling the child to comply without protest or exposure of the mother’s “pact” with the child, which requires compliance and secrecy so that the child is momentarily “safe” from physical abuse and there is no public discussion or disclosure of what goes on in that household.
The mother is pressuring the child to suppress, alter and accommodate a false self, a dystonic identity which is increasingly creating psychic distress. We see this in the increased aggression and incipient psychotic process merging into this child’s daily life in a manner that will not be sustained with regard to normal primary process thinking.
Based on review of this case by myself and other experts, along with medical and psychiatric record review and clinical/psychiatric knowledge of this form of toxic parenting, we can state that this child is deliberately sacrificing himself, his male identity, as he is consciously attempting to conceal the actual circumstances of his homelife while at the same time dealing with a school situation that is accommodating the toxic parenting of the custodian, who is in turn being facilitated by such agencies as the school, Child Protective Services, and the court.
We are requesting that Dr. Michael Stone MD (CV attached) be allowed to present a written evaluation of this child’s dilemma, and that custody be reviewed in accordance with findings in the best interest of the child.
We have no wish to insult or demean the child’s mother and will be happy to meet with her confidentially and provide confidential clinical support to her and for her at no cost to her. All expenses would be paid by the FCVFC as a result of our profound concern for the risk to the child as a result of the pathological circumstances to which he has had to accommodate.
We fully understand that the challenges posed by this child/family’s circumstance present diagnostic challenges that are unique and require particular expertise that the experts of the FCVFC possess and are more than willing to share. We hope that we can work together for the benefit of the child and a parent who we hope does not wish to continue to torture her young son.
The requisite legal motions will be being filed with the court by the child’s father this week with copies to all interested parties.
Jill Jones Soderman
Executive Director, FCVFC
Administrator, The Foundation For Family Law in the Public Interest, a Whistle-Blower Law Firm (fflpi.org)